I’m a lover, not a fighter (yet, love still kicked my ass)

5 06 2013

Everyone has defense mechanisms and mine is humor. For example, I was recently semi-flirting/playfully teasing this girl at a local bar. Her boyfriend (a mullet sporting gentleman) decided he would “mark his territory” by coming over to her and kiss her (4 inches from my face). He didn’t just kiss her, he basically inspected the contents of her stomach with his tongue. I was pretty much grossed out by the ordeal (watching a redneck play tonsil hockey for the purpose of identifying his “woman”, isnt what I would consider quality entertainment) but chuckled. He turned his attention to me, and without missing a beat my defense mechanism kicked in. “I’m not going to kiss you like that” I told him. It obviously confused him, and I walked away having been completely entertained by the whole ordeal.

I’m not a fighter, in-fact, I was only ever in 1 fight in my entire life! I really don’t like violence – I don’t see the point, which is why I find myself in an odd position now.

I’ve always considered myself a lover. The little things of love have always been the things that have made me the happiest. The smell of a lovers hair, the sparkle in their eyes, the touch of their hand on my back when they walk up to me from behind – those things that make me truly happy. I enjoy writing cheesy jokes and poems, just to get the satisfaction of seeing them laugh. It is the cherry on the ice cream sunday of my life.

Which also terrifies me. I’m going to admit to you, my darling reader, I’m kind of terrified to fall in love again. The thought of it makes me a little anxious. I know it isn’t something one schedules (“I have a dentist appt. at 2, and then I’ll fall in love with someone between 3 and 4, then take the kids to soccer practice and be home by 6:30”) but it kind of falls out of the sky and bonks you on the head like the Newtonian Apple.
I think I have been trying to figure out some kind of magic equation that will give me some peace of mind. Something like “length of marriage / number of after marriage hookups + number of rebound relationships x 2 = the appropriate time to fall in love again”. Unfortunately, I have a feeling that Cupid wasn’t a mathematician.
But in reality, isn’t part of the allure of love exploring the possibilities? Maybe that is the light that pierces the darkness that is my anxiety? Much like the lotto, “you have to be in it to win it” and true love is worth more than any lotto ticket.

So I’m going to take off my helmet and see if I get knocked in the head by some free falling fruit. I have two qualities going for me, a big Irish heart and a thick Irish skull 🙂

Love you all!!

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