I’m a lover, not a fighter (yet, love still kicked my ass)

5 06 2013

Everyone has defense mechanisms and mine is humor. For example, I was recently semi-flirting/playfully teasing this girl at a local bar. Her boyfriend (a mullet sporting gentleman) decided he would “mark his territory” by coming over to her and kiss her (4 inches from my face). He didn’t just kiss her, he basically inspected the contents of her stomach with his tongue. I was pretty much grossed out by the ordeal (watching a redneck play tonsil hockey for the purpose of identifying his “woman”, isnt what I would consider quality entertainment) but chuckled. He turned his attention to me, and without missing a beat my defense mechanism kicked in. “I’m not going to kiss you like that” I told him. It obviously confused him, and I walked away having been completely entertained by the whole ordeal.

I’m not a fighter, in-fact, I was only ever in 1 fight in my entire life! I really don’t like violence – I don’t see the point, which is why I find myself in an odd position now.

I’ve always considered myself a lover. The little things of love have always been the things that have made me the happiest. The smell of a lovers hair, the sparkle in their eyes, the touch of their hand on my back when they walk up to me from behind – those things that make me truly happy. I enjoy writing cheesy jokes and poems, just to get the satisfaction of seeing them laugh. It is the cherry on the ice cream sunday of my life.

Which also terrifies me. I’m going to admit to you, my darling reader, I’m kind of terrified to fall in love again. The thought of it makes me a little anxious. I know it isn’t something one schedules (“I have a dentist appt. at 2, and then I’ll fall in love with someone between 3 and 4, then take the kids to soccer practice and be home by 6:30”) but it kind of falls out of the sky and bonks you on the head like the Newtonian Apple.
I think I have been trying to figure out some kind of magic equation that will give me some peace of mind. Something like “length of marriage / number of after marriage hookups + number of rebound relationships x 2 = the appropriate time to fall in love again”. Unfortunately, I have a feeling that Cupid wasn’t a mathematician.
But in reality, isn’t part of the allure of love exploring the possibilities? Maybe that is the light that pierces the darkness that is my anxiety? Much like the lotto, “you have to be in it to win it” and true love is worth more than any lotto ticket.

So I’m going to take off my helmet and see if I get knocked in the head by some free falling fruit. I have two qualities going for me, a big Irish heart and a thick Irish skull 🙂

Love you all!!

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I’m with me, and we’re OK!

18 02 2013

February 14th.. The day couples enjoy, and singles dread. Where some enjoyed flowers, candy and romantic dinners – while others (myself included) poked holes in the plastic covering our “Lean Cuisine 3 Cheese Casserole” and wondered if our microwaves really had cooking settings other than “high”..

Thats right!! Valentines day!!

But, here is a little secret – this year I spent it in the company of someone who is awesome! Someone who I wake up with every morning and whom I fall asleep with every night.

This person has been with me through rough times and good. Sure, we have had our disagreements (like, when one of us thinks its a good idea to stop drinking, and the other says “one more Fireball shot wont be so bad”) but they are always there with me…

That person is – me (bet ya didn’t see that coming)

I cant tell you how many times I have heard people say things like “I just want someone to love me” or “why cant I find love” – when that person is LITERALLY sitting right there!! Need someone to love you? — LOVE YOURSELF!!! Can’t find love? — LOVE YOURSELF!! I realized something other day, no one else has to love me!!! There isn’t a law stating “everyone shall find love” because that would be insane!!!

Getting through the DMV is rough enough, could you imagine the DTL (Department of True Love)??

Guy:

Yes, I started dating this girl and she sent me a txt stating that she thought we aren’t progressing in our relationship

DTL Agent:

Have you filled out Form TLFB-1247

Guy:

TLFB-1247?

DTL Agent:

Yes the Facebook status to “In A Relationship” permit..

Guy:

No..

DTL Agent:

Ok, fill out this form and you will be allowed to change your Facebook relationship status on a trial basis – that will be 30 dollars cash or check…

*** The 30 dollar reference is directed to North Carolina (start taking debit or credit damnit!!!!)

But I digress..

In all reality, you come into this world with the same person you are going to leave it with – YOU!

I hope everyone finds someone, I really really do!! Who knows, I may never find that person, I may bump into them at the DMV, I could have already met them and we just don’t know we dig each other yet!! Who knows! Its all part of the fun!!! Tomorrow, I may get a flat tire, kicking off a chain of events that put me and the next great love of my life standing in line at a Starbucks while waiting for a tow truck (AAA Roadside Assistance).. Or I may meet that person 50 years from now in a nursing home watching Wheel of Fortune…

Until then, I am just going to love me. Because if you can’t love yourself – how can you expect anyone else to???

Love you all 😉