Gratitude on the last day I’m 38…

3 06 2016


Today is the last day I am 38 years old.  People say time flies when you are having fun so when I realized it was the week of my birthday, I wanted to reflect on the journey I’ve had since the divorce.  I don’t want to beat a dead horse, but I use the breakup as a point of measurement.  I was broken, alone and angry.  I was pissed off at the world and everything in it.  I hated myself for being a failure.  I hated that love made me so vulnerable, and so I hated the idea of love as well.  I thought I knew it all, but in reality, I knew nothing.

That is where this blog came into play.  I needed to reboot myself, reload the Toohey Operating System and move on.  I used this blog as a sounding board to get my feelings out.  I would write posts, read them over and not post them.  It was me getting my emotional house in order.  It has taken me 4 years, and I finally feel at peace.  I realize now that nothing is forever, and that the only constant in the universe is change.

The love I shared with my exwife is gone, and that is a sad thing for me.  I realize we are different people now so our love always kind of had an expiration date on it.  I wasn’t happy being married.  She wasn’t happy being married.  Why stay married at that point?  I see that now.  Our parting was toxic, and I regret that.  I think on some level we could have remained civil, but what is in the past is in the past.  I thank her for leaving and allowing me to hit rock bottom.

The people who stayed by my side through this whole ordeal.  I know I wasn’t the greatest friend.  I know I was angry, pissed off and hardly fun to be around.  I thank you so much for staying.

All the new people who have come into my life since then.  Thank you so much for understanding.

All my friends (burners, freethinkers, karaoke crew) – Thank you so much for the laughs, the love, the advice and being here for me.  Without you guys, I wouldn’t be here.

I’ve made a decision regarding my tooheyreloaded blog.  I’m retiring it.  I’ll still keep the content up, but I won’t use it as my primary outlet anymore.  I’ve started my new blog and I should have some content over there soon.  I think tooheyreloaded was critical during a point in my life, but I’m past that point now.

Thank you all for joining me on this wild ride.  Love you!