Carnival of “Feelings” (Sadness)

4 07 2013

It has been 11 days since quitting Effexor XR and I have had a constant flow of emotions. The main one was rage.  Everything would make me upset.  I think I had so much rage bottled up after the years of constant mental and emotional abuse that once I stopped the Effexor, the cork was out of the bottle.

The rage has pretty much subsided, and now I find that I can cry easier.  Yes, I can feel sadness without getting into a sever depression thanks to some of the techniques I have learned through DBT.

When you are on anti-depressants, everything becomes really “numb”.  Depression, feels like your in a fog.  When you take anti-depressants you see the fog, you don’t really give a fuck about it.  

I’m ok with being sad, as long as its temporary.  I watched Star Trek – Wrath of Kahn a few days ago and cryed at the end (where Spock dies and Kirk gives the Eulogy).  Even typing this, I started to get a little teary..  But that is Okay!!  I’m not laying in bed 24 hours a day sobbing uncontrollably because of it…

I’m sad about my divorce.  Really, I am.  I miss the way that my ex-wife and I would laugh at silly things.  I used to press the tip of my nose and stick my tongue out and she would laugh.  I would try to cross my eyes (I can’t seem to do it) she would laugh.  I do miss those times.  We had genuine love once, but I guess like every other emotion that fades over time.  Don’t get me wrong!!!  I am much happier without my ex-wife!!!  She was bad for me, and bad to me (emotionally and mentally abusive).  I wonder if I wasn’t on the meds, if she would have been easier to control and manipulate me as much as she did.  Maybe, maybe not – but I’m not dwelling on it.  My life is better without her and the Effexor in it…

I’m looking to the future and its looking pretty good 🙂

 

 

Advertisements




Carnival of “Feelings” (Rage)

2 07 2013

It has been a week since I have taken my last dosage of Effexor Rx. To say my life has been great wouldn’t be completely accurate. In fact, I feel as though the emotional centers of my brain have opened the flood gates and allowed every repressed feeling spew forth like some toxic sludge. Here are just some of the things that have been circling my emotional drain..

**WARNING – THESE ARE FEELINGS AND THEY MAY BE OFFENSIVE**

Anger / Rage / Hate –

My exwife is a lying, cheating, pulsating pusfilled boil of a human being. I wasted 15 years of my life with that shrill of a woman, disgusting dead brown beaver tooth and all. I hate her so much!! I hope any spawn she has is aborted inorder to keep her twisted DNA out of the Gene pool… As long as I’m in a spiteful mood – I wonder if the Married Autozone Employee’s (father of a one year old no less) wife ever found out?

The clique known as CAA – These people are so deluded with their own “moral superiority” that they fail to see that they are just as bad as the Christians they rail against. I’m not ranting against all of CAA, just a clique of sexually transmitted dieseases that I considered close friends (even when they were stabbing me in the back). People who had no qualms with my ex fucking a married guy behind his wife’s back… so much for moral superiority. But, what can I expect from a clique who’s most prominant/vocal member claims to be a socialist – yet takes his kid to private school. Way to stand for your convictions douchebag!!

The NC DMV – do I really have to say anything else..

Fuck it, I’m just angry.. i’m not even in the mood to format this post…