It has been 11 days since quitting Effexor XR and I have had a constant flow of emotions. The main one was rage.  Everything would make me upset.  I think I had so much rage bottled up after the years of constant mental and emotional abuse that once I stopped the Effexor, the cork was out of the bottle.

The rage has pretty much subsided, and now I find that I can cry easier.  Yes, I can feel sadness without getting into a sever depression thanks to some of the techniques I have learned through DBT.

When you are on anti-depressants, everything becomes really “numb”.  Depression, feels like your in a fog.  When you take anti-depressants you see the fog, you don’t really give a fuck about it.  

I’m ok with being sad, as long as its temporary.  I watched Star Trek – Wrath of Kahn a few days ago and cryed at the end (where Spock dies and Kirk gives the Eulogy).  Even typing this, I started to get a little teary..  But that is Okay!!  I’m not laying in bed 24 hours a day sobbing uncontrollably because of it…

I’m sad about my divorce.  Really, I am.  I miss the way that my ex-wife and I would laugh at silly things.  I used to press the tip of my nose and stick my tongue out and she would laugh.  I would try to cross my eyes (I can’t seem to do it) she would laugh.  I do miss those times.  We had genuine love once, but I guess like every other emotion that fades over time.  Don’t get me wrong!!!  I am much happier without my ex-wife!!!  She was bad for me, and bad to me (emotionally and mentally abusive).  I wonder if I wasn’t on the meds, if she would have been easier to control and manipulate me as much as she did.  Maybe, maybe not – but I’m not dwelling on it.  My life is better without her and the Effexor in it…

I’m looking to the future and its looking pretty good 🙂