“So there I was, being incredibly awesome and then I died”

9 06 2014


My upcoming sinus surgery got me thinking about my mortality and what I should be doing with my life.  I “did” the traditional American thing.  The “go to college, get a job, marry girl” mantra that our parents and teachers instill in us growing up.  Sadly, the girl in the equation never really turned out to be anything worth having children with.  Now, that may be a little harsh – but deep down, I think the reason I didn’t want children was because I knew exactly what she was.  She saw children as a meal ticket.  A “get out of divorce and have financial stability” gift card.  Her eyes would always light up when she would talk about her aunt who was raking her ex-husband over the coals.  Apparently, bells and alarms were going off in my sub-conscious and my body was on full born “DO NOT BREED” alert. 

Now that chapter is closed and I’m 15 years older and wiser.  Well, at the very least 15 years older.  I still have plenty of stupid shit to do.  I want to hike the Appalachian Trail, have breakfast at Base Camp at the foot of Mount Everest, win the “Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest” in Coney Island, etc.  I have a ton of shit to do…

And what will it mean?  Sure, I’ll have a blast doing it.  My adventures will be cool stories to tell.  But, who am I going to tell them too?  To whom will I pass on the torch?  How am I not going to be forgotten when I’m gone?

They say that children force men to “grow up”.  I’ve already had my grow up moments.  Try going through a divorce and institutionalizing yourself – it makes you grow up real quick.  Part of growing up makes you acknowledge your own mortality.  I’m not as young as I used to be (hitting 37 has also brought a lot of this up). 

Maybe having kids are an adventure all on their own.  You get to dress them in funny clothes, they say the most outrageous things and you get to pass on knowledge that you have acquired (whether they want to listen or not).

I’ve had the title of this post running through my head the last couple months and it illustrates the need I have for an heir.  Someone to pass the Toohey name (and awesomeness) on too…

I want a kid (and besides, isn’t “Hunter Stockton Toohey” a badass name anyway?!!?!)



Reflections on 36…

3 06 2014


Today (6/03/14) is the last day I will be a 36 year old man.  I felt it appropriate to reflect on how “Toohey 36” was in general and how “Toohey 37” will be awesome.  Here are just some of the things I have figured out..

  • NC DMV does not fuck around when it comes to fucking things up
  • Pickles are great for dehydration (and hangovers)
  • Fighting about android vs iPhone is silly
  • Embrace the people that come into your life, even if it is only for 2 weekends out of the year and keep in touch
  • Jameson and McDonald’s Big Macs do not go together
  • Embrace my friends and keep them close
  • Life isn’t guaranteed, and neither is love
  • Karaoke soothes the savage beast
  • Karaoke plus alchohol generally makes a lot of noise and eventually pisses the savage beast off to the point of him leaving and finding another bar
  • Sunscreen before alcohol = better sunscreen coverage
  • Sunscreen after alcohol = sunburns in weird places
  • Clown noses on boobs are a beautiful thing
  • Spending time with a great friend convincing people to put clown noses on boobs = genius in the making
  • It is ok to hurt, but striking out at someone because they hurt you isn’t very cool
  • Charlie likes cat food way too much
  • The match isn’t over until the 8 ball drops (or you scratch on the 8)
  • I may not win many pool matches, but I’m getting better every game
  • Avoid the “Poisoned Pill”
  • Laughing beats crying every time – both are important, but this is critical when trying on pants or swimwear
  • Laugh off the pain, make pain your bitch
  • Judgements = just don’t do them.  People will surprise you if you give them a chance
  • I saved my sister’s life by telling her to use the flashlight app on her phone – yeah, I’m a hero
  • Fuck negativity, you have a limited amount of hours on the planet and you need to make them count
  • My family is amazing, and I need to tell them that more
  • I’m proud of my mom, she is one hell of a woman!
  • My coworkers rock, and put up with a lot of my shit


I’m still here, still breathing and living